I often wonder how work ethic and discipline is developed. Are some people just better at it? Perhaps born with the committed gene? In my life I have concluded that my childhood, education and family were the main driving forces. But I have also (very recently) observed that discipline is a muscle that can be practiced and improved.
Like everyone else I have things in my life that I am immensely undisciplined about and let's be honest the majority of the time these items have to do with self-care or personal maintenance items like looking after your health, getting to the gym, finishing your studies or making that dreaded doctor's appointment (you get my drift). So I started a little experiment, using myself as the lab rat.
And this is what I have observed/learnt so far:
Well, I will keep you posted on this "project" as time goes on, but in the meantime, decide what you want and get after it. Don't spend another year dreaming about it, don't wait till New Year's to put it back on your resolutions list.
It is time for all of us to take charge and get it DONE!
So until next time,
HUGS FROM DXB
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May you know today that you are needed and you are loved. I hope you realize that nobody (that matters) judges you for a pot belly, rounded bum or flabby arms - they love you for your heart. May you know that not one person is perfect and we are all trying to figure life out. Nobody has got it all together (although many pretend to), which brings me to work life balance. It is a myth designed to make us feel like we are incompetent.
Our inner dialogue goes something like this "look at that perfect parent/sister/friend (whatever), they have work and their home and kids/finances/health (whatever) sorted (why can't I do that)"
Well the answer is that this perfect balance does not exist, we simply compensate and refocus on neglected areas...but nobody will ever tell you that! Just do the best you can, focus on the people that matter. You can always find another job but family and health are irreplaceable remember that!
People may have better "stuff" than you, but mostly that just means they have more debt and clutter. Having more does not "make" you more. So love your shabby couch and little car (it's paid for) I hope you fill your life with experiences and love (not things). Focus on the value, forget the bling!
Today I hope you know that those who go out of their way to make you feel small and less are insecure and already worse off than you. Don't let it get inside you, don't let it eat your light. I also hope you realize that people see how amazing you are, so don't let the world make you hard or cynical.
I hope you know that there is something special that you bring into the world by simply being you and being here.
I hope you don't give up, I hope you smile and try again....
I hope you have a good laugh and some fun today
I hope you are living your best life and not letting fear or lack of confidence hold you back!
May you live your dreams and not your fears!
For all of you who need love today! You are enough, in fact you are MORE THAN ENOUGH!
So until next time,
HUGS FROM DXB
While reflecting on the week that was, I was thinking about collaboration...
I saw a team working together in harmony to create an amazing event, I saw an assistant and manager speak in glowing terms about their working relationship and how valuable their combined efforts are, I saw a CEO and EXCO team show appreciation for what their assistants do for them and the value of this partnership. I spent some time working on new projects with my training partner. But this left me questioning why do some people collaborate so naturally and others find it necessary to compete?
In the Fourth Industrial Age we will be expected to join forces with others, pool resources and embrace the idea that when we work together we multiply the available human and physical capital in an amazing way. This will be an era where trust and relationships will have financial value. This new age is not called the Connection Economy for nothing!
When we compete are we building relationships? Are we gaining the trust of those we openly or discreetly compete against? I think you will agree that the answer is a definite no. Competition is not to be confused with ambition or drive, these are worthy attributes. I am talking about the negative aspects of competition.
I truly believe that your only competition should be the person you see in the mirror while you brush your teeth in the morning, because after all no one is like you, you are a once off and that in itself will earn you more financially and emotionally in this new age.
From an observer's point of view being competitive with others, withholding information or know how makes us look insecure, jealous and as if we only have a limited amount of ideas, skills etc. The act of sharing without expectation on the other hand creates the image of someone who is an expert, generous and a leader.
Collaboration is creative and it is fun! When you work with another person your ideas are amplified, there is an exchange of energy and the other person can act as a sounding board or voice of reason. It can be joyous, it can be a bit messy, it can be beautiful but in my opinion it is always more exciting than competing!
So thank you Esme van de Merwe and the team that arranged the event, The Exxaro Assistants, Mr Mxolisi Mgojo and Teri Wells for inspiring me to collaborate MORE and BETTER! This week was a blessing and a lesson!
So until next time,
Hugs from DXB
I believe that what happens to us in life is like a coin. When faced with obstacles, challenges, problems, pains or pressures we need to ask ourselves what lies on the other side of the coin.
In my experience there is ALWAYS another side, but it is our job to turn the coin over (no one will do it for you) we need to re-frame our experiences and be careful about what we tell ourselves.
If my internal dialogue is that "I am a victim", "I am being punished" or "why is this happening to me" I am fixating on the wrong side of the coin. I am giving away my power to CHOOSE. I accept my fate, I accept that others are in control and I am STUCK...
But am I? The fact that there is challenge indicates that there is also opportunity. So how do we see the opportunity when we are frustrated, sad, ill, financially strapped or unemployed? It is not easy but it is a lot more productive than feeling sorry for yourself. Now we are all allowed a little sulk or a good cry but you can't unpack and live in that head space because then NOTHING will change and you will give away your power to move forward. As the old saying goes "The truth will set you free, but first it will p*ss you off"
So ask yourself:
Is moaning or agonizing about the past helping me or holding me back?
What am I not seeing in this situation?
What should I be grateful for right now?
What are the possible solutions?
What am I supposed to be learning?
How will this incident help me grow and become more resilient?
What is the best possible outcome?
What is the worst possible outcome?
What can I control and change?
What do I need to accept?
What do I need to walk away from?
Where am I putting my energy and is this serving me?
REMEMBER - where focus goes, energy flows and energy is precisely what we need to solve problems and move toward what you really want. The questions above will also (hopefully) provide you with perspective and a bird's eye view of your situation. Try to answer these questions without judging yourself, feeling guilty, trying to explain the problem away or blame someone else (very hard when the problem is emotionally charged)
Being honest with yourself is HARD,
Being accountable is HARD
Being disciplined is HARD
But being a victim is WORSE!
These are all easy things to say and think but not so easy to live so allow me to share a story with you. As some of you already know I have recently moved from South Africa to Dubai, a process which in itself was stressful, complicated and done under serious time constraints.
I was moving "Granny and The Assistant" which added an additional 3 month separation from my husband (which also was not ideal)
After a period of paperwork, unbelievable financial implications and a ton of stress, unknowns, lonely days and nights I finally make it to my new apartment in Dubai and three days after my arrival.....
We live on the 50th floor, in the actual strip that you see engulfed in flames and had to evacuate with a wooden (flight standard) crate and two cats (total weight about 20kg) down 50 flights of stairs (and as you all know, I am JUST NOT FIT ENOUGH FOR THAT)
We spent the next two weeks in temporary accommodation (trying to get the smoke smell out of our clothing and belongings we could salvage) and then we had to start the whole process of finding a new apartment, furniture, agent fees etc. AGAIN from scratch.
What got us through is that my husband and I both firmly believe in the concept of "The Coin", sure we had bad days but we held firmly to the belief that there was an opportunity in there somewhere and a lesson.
Lesson for me?
1. You learn a lot about people by what the take when they evacuate (but that is a separate blog post LOL)
2. I am tougher that I thought I was, mentally and physically
3. My husband and fur-babies are very precious to me (material things can be replaced)
4. My husband and I are a great team and we have a GREAT sense of humour!
5. Humanity can sometimes be at its best in times of real fear, chaos and crisis
The opportunity was to move into a beautiful apartment on the beach which is a lifelong dream come true.
Sulking, crying or playing victim would not have served us. Bad things happen, life is not fair (and no one said it was) BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE AND HOW YOU WANT TO BE AND FEEL IN THE WORLD!
So sending you love and light with whatever you are facing at the moment (big or small), please know that the power is in you and you will prevail.
So until next time,
Hugs from DBX