I believe that what happens to us in life is like a coin. When faced with obstacles, challenges, problems, pains or pressures we need to ask ourselves what lies on the other side of the coin.
In my experience there is ALWAYS another side, but it is our job to turn the coin over (no one will do it for you) we need to re-frame our experiences and be careful about what we tell ourselves.
If my internal dialogue is that "I am a victim", "I am being punished" or "why is this happening to me" I am fixating on the wrong side of the coin. I am giving away my power to CHOOSE. I accept my fate, I accept that others are in control and I am STUCK...
But am I? The fact that there is challenge indicates that there is also opportunity. So how do we see the opportunity when we are frustrated, sad, ill, financially strapped or unemployed? It is not easy but it is a lot more productive than feeling sorry for yourself. Now we are all allowed a little sulk or a good cry but you can't unpack and live in that head space because then NOTHING will change and you will give away your power to move forward. As the old saying goes "The truth will set you free, but first it will p*ss you off"
So ask yourself:
Is moaning or agonizing about the past helping me or holding me back?
What am I not seeing in this situation?
What should I be grateful for right now?
What are the possible solutions?
What am I supposed to be learning?
How will this incident help me grow and become more resilient?
What is the best possible outcome?
What is the worst possible outcome?
What can I control and change?
What do I need to accept?
What do I need to walk away from?
Where am I putting my energy and is this serving me?
REMEMBER - where focus goes, energy flows and energy is precisely what we need to solve problems and move toward what you really want. The questions above will also (hopefully) provide you with perspective and a bird's eye view of your situation. Try to answer these questions without judging yourself, feeling guilty, trying to explain the problem away or blame someone else (very hard when the problem is emotionally charged)
Being honest with yourself is HARD,
Being accountable is HARD
Being disciplined is HARD
But being a victim is WORSE!
These are all easy things to say and think but not so easy to live so allow me to share a story with you. As some of you already know I have recently moved from South Africa to Dubai, a process which in itself was stressful, complicated and done under serious time constraints.
I was moving "Granny and The Assistant" which added an additional 3 month separation from my husband (which also was not ideal)
After a period of paperwork, unbelievable financial implications and a ton of stress, unknowns, lonely days and nights I finally make it to my new apartment in Dubai and three days after my arrival.....
We live on the 50th floor, in the actual strip that you see engulfed in flames and had to evacuate with a wooden (flight standard) crate and two cats (total weight about 20kg) down 50 flights of stairs (and as you all know, I am JUST NOT FIT ENOUGH FOR THAT)
We spent the next two weeks in temporary accommodation (trying to get the smoke smell out of our clothing and belongings we could salvage) and then we had to start the whole process of finding a new apartment, furniture, agent fees etc. AGAIN from scratch.
What got us through is that my husband and I both firmly believe in the concept of "The Coin", sure we had bad days but we held firmly to the belief that there was an opportunity in there somewhere and a lesson.
Lesson for me?
1. You learn a lot about people by what the take when they evacuate (but that is a separate blog post LOL)
2. I am tougher that I thought I was, mentally and physically
3. My husband and fur-babies are very precious to me (material things can be replaced)
4. My husband and I are a great team and we have a GREAT sense of humour!
5. Humanity can sometimes be at its best in times of real fear, chaos and crisis
The opportunity was to move into a beautiful apartment on the beach which is a lifelong dream come true.
Sulking, crying or playing victim would not have served us. Bad things happen, life is not fair (and no one said it was) BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE AND HOW YOU WANT TO BE AND FEEL IN THE WORLD!
So sending you love and light with whatever you are facing at the moment (big or small), please know that the power is in you and you will prevail.
So until next time,
Hugs from DBX