A working to do list can do many things. It can alleviate stress, order your thoughts, help you to remember and prioritise and assist you in being more organized. Sounds too good to be true but it isn’t!
A to do list can take many forms. You can use an electronic version by making use of Word or Excel. There are great apps like Evernote but a pen and paper does fine too! When you are under pressure and you have so many demands that you don’t know where to start a to do list can be just the ticket. My advice (from years of personal experience) Step 1 - move away from your desk, get a cup of tea/coffee, sit down and write. This kind of list making we call a brain dump. Just jot down in bullet form all the items that are on your mind. Re-read the list and add to it until you are sure that there is nothing left to list. I often do this with EVERYTHING going on in my work and personal life. This list is for your eyes only and you can split the items out into separate lists later. Just let it flow and make a note. What happens to the brain when we do this? Well firstly you have taken an action by physically writing, this already gets you out of your panic. By changing your environment, by moving to a different space your brain is out of the space which is causing you to feel stressed and you are automatically less paralysed. By noting everything till you feel “clear” your brain says “OK we can relax now, he won’t forget anything” Step 2 of this process is to look at the list. Separate it into work and private. Step 3 now look at the business list, what is the most important, what is the easiest, what can I do right now? Prioritise your list and then tackle something easy that you can do immediately. By doing so your brain releases serotonin and dopamine which gives you a sense of happiness and the feeling that you are in control and you can get this done. Now look at the list and systematically work through your items. Marking them off by highlighting or ticking them off. This again rewards your brain and you get a release of feel good chemicals. At the end of the day, transfer your items that are not yet completed to the next day and as you do so put a line through the item on the old page. So tomorrow you have a fresh list and a good idea of where to start. You add new items or requests as they are received. The lists are good to keep if you need to discuss your workload with your executive or need their support to prioritise your action items. Also consider helping your executive to track what she needs to do in a similar way. Offer to run a list for them which they can update you on with a call or a simple WhatsApp. What you are actually doing is getting the item off their mind, reminders into the calendar and you are in a position to get support from their direct reports to start working on items in the meantime. This could be great for your relationship with your executive, help to relieve your boss’ stress and help the whole team avoid nasty surprises and last minute instructions. Don’t forget about your private list as this is the one we often neglect which can cause a great deal of stress to us. Do the same with your “home” list and try to close these items off. Update your lists first thing in the morning or just before you leave the office for the day. It will give you a sense of structure and security. Be aware of your ideal time of day to do harder items. If you are a morning person schedule the hard stuff first. Things like minutes (which most of us dislike) can become a massive energy drain because of the amount of procrastination around these items. Get them done as soon as possible and get them out first time right so you don’t need to go back to them. If you don’t you will feel guilty for putting it off and you will have more and more negative emotion attached to that item. The longer it lags the worse you feel, the more energy it drains. There are many apps and productivity tools available so explore the internet to find one that could work for you. An app like Evernote is brilliant because you can see your list on your phone, laptop and even a private pc at home and it syncs between any device which it is connected to this app. That way the list is always with you and you can update it if your executive calls with new instructions immediately and it can be printed. For many years I have used my inbox as my to do list. Anything in the inbox needs to be actioned. If I want to remember something I send myself an email or when someone runs into me in the corridor and asks for something I will request that they send me a quick email (sometimes just a subject line like "Remember to book meeting room") This was really a successful strategy for me personally and could work for you too. It doesn’t matter what you use but there is no denying that a running to do list will save you time, help you focus and keep you on top of your game. It really is like “MAGIC”
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We all face rejection, heartbreak, neglect and failure. That is just how life is. Life is not fair and no one said it was going to be! Some of us suffer in silence never letting anyone know how much we are hurting or how low we feel. We are sometimes shattered into a million tiny pieces by disappointment and people we trusted who have let us down, we feel that our vocal chords literally disappear and our hearts are swollen with hurt. Not able to communicate, not able to say I need help or support.
Others rage against the unfairness of the world, speak out and rant about everything that is wrong and how cruel the world is. Spilling negativity into each conversation and interaction. Neither of these strategies serve us. The key to coming out of a downward spiral is faith, the belief that you are doing what you have been called to do, what you bring to the world is valuable and unique. You have survived all the previous bad days, you have managed in a whole range of situations...this one is no different! Your success rate to date is 100%, when one door closed it often lead to a different, better door. You know this to be true (if you are honest). Either you win or you learn!! No bad situation lasts forever. You have to believe that you have the capacity and tenacity to triumph. This is the only difference between those who keep going and those who quit! Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm- Winston Churchill Self-talk is essential in breaking out of the blues, neuro scientists have proven that we say between 300 and a 1000 words to ourselves each minute, so be careful how you talk to yourself, remember that you are listening. Speak words of encouragement and kindness to yourself. Learn how to nurture that innocent spirit inside, remember that there is something timeless and precious inside you, your soul. Do not allow your circumstances to define your success or your happiness. Happiness is a choice. Gratitude is another essential ingredient for combatting negativity and defeat. What do I have in my life that I am grateful for? How many things do I currently have that I take for granted? What talents have I been blessed with (and yes, we all have those too)? What is precious to me beyond the material things in my life? The sad thing is that most people only appreciate what they had when they have already lost it. To truly feel grateful we need to take time to reflect and this reflection often brings peace and comfort into a situation. By being grateful instead of negative or defeated we often bring new opportunities, people and experiences into our worlds. Which brings me to another crucial element of resilience. Time. Sometimes we need to sulk, feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in our misery. We need to acknowlege these emotions (because we are human) but we can't stay there. Have a cap on how much time you are going to take to go through something and DECIDE, (yes, it is a choice) when you are going to get up, regroup and try again. What am I going to do about this situation? What can I change? What influence do I have? You are not powerless, this is the main flaw in our thinking when we start being negative. We float easily into a victim mode, taking away our own accountability and also our power. Only you can change things, only you can make things better for YOU. We can't wait for others to change, the economy to change or any other external force to magically change! Taking action (even very small ones) creates positive forward momentum. There is another essential component to time when it comes to resilience and recovery, you need to take a break when you need it. Sometimes it is going to feel like you can't afford relaxation or time out but sometimes it is the most productive and self protective thing you can do. Conserve your resources, use the time to plan for a better future and get back to yourself and the true essence of who you are. Which brings me to sleep. Sleep is NOT a luxury, the modern world is so busy glorifying "busy" that sleep has become an old fashioned notion. We all need sleep, we all need different durations of sleep and the world's population is generally sleep deprived. When you don't sleep well you are tired, being exhausted and stressed makes you more prone to depression and illness and also less able to deal with even the most basic challenges that present themselves. Sleep is essential to your wellbeing so start making it a number one priority! When you sort out your sleeping habits or problems a lot of things magically fall into place (I speak from experience!) Find support, I am not talking about someone that you can MOAN to...I am talking to someone who can help you formulate better strategies, help you decompress safely and someone who has your back. The worst feeling you have when going through a challenging period is that you are alone. Find someone you trust, someone who has gone through something similar to tell you what they have learnt, to build you up and to support you. It is essential that you have someone in your corner. Ironically being there for someone else, helping others through tough times can actually improve your state of mind and make you feel useful and caring. Support is a two way street!!!! You can also get these benefits from volunteering or being of service. It gives you a huge serotonin boost and will help us to create a better, more caring world. There is always someone who is worse off than you. Remember this in your challenging times. Find something in your life that brings you joy. Be it a hobby, spending time with friends, children, a spouse/partner or with a pet, a piece of music, a favourite book or a place that makes you feel peaceful and safe. Immersing yourself in something that brings you joy can change your mood completely and instantly. For me it is as simple as a bubble bath at the end of a hard day. Find your magic reset button. Find that thing that makes you smile (even when you really don't want to or really can't!) Playing and creativity are under-rated abilities for "grown-ups" but in being open to new, wacky ideas we often come up with the best solutions, no one fails at playing, we all play in our own unique way and no one judges that. Why does that change, why do we become scared of trying something new or being different as we age? Our lives are simply us, playing, trying things out and if they don't work trying something else, don't let anyone judge how you play. You only become a failure when you lable yourself as one. Your life is not for anyone else to understand, approve of or judge! Stop expending energy on trying to secure the good opinion of others or their approval. This is about you. You get one shot! My challenge to you (and to myself), start making what you want, need and love a priority. Stop letting fear, discomfort or procrastination derail you. Release your inner victim and play! Till next time, goodbye (Guest Blog for the Executive and Personal Assistants Association please visit their amazing website! http://epaa.org.uk/. Honoured to be associated with this team providing value and opportunities to the UK and International PA community!) For those of you who know me the title of this blog is no surprise…I am a people-pleaser! I like people to feel happy and cared for when I am around. I hate saying no as I often feel a sense of guilt. I feel like a bad person, selfish or lazy…I am a people-pleaser and proud!
Is it just me? No definitely NOT! Most assistants with the PA gene feel the same, caring and being helpful and of service comes very naturally to us. This is not a bad characteristic but it can be so easily abused. So I put it to you that the users, abusers and manipulators are the REAL problem. It took me a long time to learn how to say no and to preserve my own energy reserves and sanity. The most profound thing I learnt is that when you say yes to everyone, you are indirectly saying no to someone. When a colleague manipulates or guilt’s you into doing work for them and you can’t say no, you are taking time away from what your manager needs you to do (and what you are actually paid for). So what happens? You end up taking work home, so now you are taking time away from your family, your spouse or from yourself which could have been used for your own development or some much needed relaxation. Thus truly burning the candle at both ends and not maintaining the relationships and habits that matter most. Always saying yes really doesn’t make you the good guy…it often makes you the sucker! Ask yourself, who are you indirectly saying no to by trying to please everyone? Who is suffering because you cannot utter the word NO? Who or what are you neglecting because you feel you have no choice but to say yes. This is your fuel to learn to say no. Top Ten Tips for Saying No
It has been an exercising in re-framing my thinking and it is still very much a work in progress and I often need to think about the people and things I am neglecting but it is a start. Hope this helps you to be more assertive in your own life my precious people-pleasers, so until next time goodbye. The Signposts along the way…
The modern working world is really not good for our health, this much we know. We experience an unnatural amount of stress and in most cases this is usually acute and ongoing. We don’t exercise or eat well and many of us don’t sleep as many hours as our bodies need or suffer with sleep related conditions. I learnt the hard way that we avoid the signposts at our peril. What do most assistants do when they are not well? They postpone going to the doctor, self-medicate or simply try to ignore the problem. Our justification is that we simply do not have time to seek medical assistance; we cannot afford to be booked off. People need us! Assistants generally are the kind of people who put the needs of others before their own but I am here today to say that in the case of medical issues you really shouldn’t! It is costly, painful and in some cases you never recover from the damage that has been done. In most cases this damage could have been avoided if you had paid attention to the signposts along the way! Your body is your instrument; it is how you earn a living. Keeping it in peak physical condition “should” be a priority, but for most of us it isn’t. So what is going on in our environments and in our heads that keeps us from the required maintenance to keep ourselves functioning at an optimal level? Here are my thoughts: 1.The PA Personality As assistants we want others to view us as competent and reliable. We are perfectionists and rarely admit any weakness to others. These are good traits but can influence our decision making when it comes to our health and other priorities outside of work. For many of us it is embarrassing to admit we are not well or even ask for time to visit a doctor. 2.Viewing self-care, relaxation and putting yourself first as a luxury Office professionals are generally very busy indeed (especially those with children or doing additional studies). We start viewing any time off or taking care of ourselves as a waste of time or something that we cannot afford to do. Often many illnesses can be avoided with a bit of self-care, adequate rest and a bit of well-timed relaxation. 3.Being too focused on the care of others Our worlds tend to revolve around others. We are taking care of executives, teams and our family to the exclusion of all else. Again, functioning unselfishly in service to others is not a bad thing but it can be detrimental when we forget about our instrument and the fine tuning that it needs to perform at its best. As the saying goes “when your jug is empty, you cannot fill another person’s cup” 4.Workload PAs around the world have absorbed some of the tasks traditionally done by middle management when they were downscaled during the recession and many assistants now support multiple executives. In very rare cases have the workloads of these assistants been reviewed to see if it is actually sustainable and in even fewer cases PAs have spoken up if it is not. Increased workload which is extreme can lead to burnout and deteriorating relationships, missed deadlines, decrease in accuracy or performance and a feeling that you are unable to cope and a belief that you are no longer competent. 5.Information overload and tech stress Our world is hyper connected. Many modern assistants have their office with them 24/7 on their smartphones. This means that we never switch off! We are checking and responding to email at intervals during the traditional “off time” when we should be focused on our family, studies, rest and relaxation. Many assistants around the world are working between 11 and 13 hours every day, receiving between 400 and 600 emails that they need to read and respond to. Often even considering taking time off will stress you out because of the amount of email you will need to process when you return and because you will check email and respond even when you are on sick leave or on vacation. 6.Lack of job security In the modern world the message is drummed into our heads that there are tons of people waiting in line for our positions. So many of us, especially those who are in companies who are currently retrenching see it as a risk to go to a doctor or dentist during these periods, never mind being booked off with health related issues. So what can we do? The situation seems bleak. The simple question you need to ask yourself is: If I cannot afford 2 hours to see a doctor can I afford 6 weeks to recover from surgery? If I destroy my health what will it cost in time, money and relationships to get it back (if at all possible)? Can I risk being permanently ill at home if I don’t look after myself now? In essence these are the decisions you face if you don’t look after things that need to be attended to. In the words of Audre Lorde “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival”
Sometimes we go through stuggles, our health is poor, we are experiencing stress, we are overloaded emotionally, our jobs are being threatened or taking strain on the home front but we feel we need to be tough and suck it up. We are hard on ourselves, we question ourselves and behave in a way that is unkind. If a friend in the same position came to you, you would be supportive and generous with your time, care and concern. We don't however do the same for ourselves. WHY? Today I urge you to give yourself permission! Permission to feel tired, without pressure Permission to take time off, without guilt Permission to fail, without regrets Permission to start again, without anger Permission to speak up and be heard Permission to be sad, without sinking into depression... I urge you to see the magic in yourself, see the potential and power that you already have and I want you to give you permission to SHINE brightly. The world is so full of negativity, hate and violence. I want to give us all permission to love again and to be kind without worrying about who will take advantage of us or hurt us (because sadly they will) But if we don't start changing and we keep ourselves locked up for fear of what others will do to us, we are also negatively impacting the world. We need to be the change and create the change. We need to stop waiting for others to change, the economy to change, our spouse to change, our colleague to change or our boss to change. The old saying is true, what you put in is what you get back. We are the only ones who can change things, we need to shift focus back to what we want, who we are, what we can do (besides complaining) and what we value and stop reacting to external inputs. Be a collaborator and start spreading äwesome" [thank you Kid President] I truly believe that people in general are good, yes there are evil, corrupt and terrible people in the world but they are NOT the majority (we are!) I recently became an Uber client, the most fun part of the experience is meeting someone new and chatting. I have had so many great, deep conversations about life, love and the future. I want to give you permission to start engaging with people again, listening with your heart and growing your network. We are more similar than we realise and I am horrified by what politicians around the world are trying to do in our societies, creating fear and hate of öthers" (who are these others?) We are one human family! Stop letting people define you by your race, religion, social status or any other lable. You are YOU and we are all connected!!!! I firmly believe in the beautiful country I live in and want us all to succeed and thrive. We cannot wait for politicians or our government to make it so...we need to do what we can, where we are... No one is going to give us permission to walk in our own power, it is something we need to step into. Now that you have permission, go out and make the world better! Starting with your office, your community and your family... What are the thing you would like to achieve by this time next year? What in your working, spiritual, physical, financial and emotional life would you really like to change? Thinking about these things is great but having an action plan is better!
We have all been taught that goals need to be S.M.A.R.T Specific Have a detailed analysis of exactly what you would like to achieve. List as many details as possible and be precise about what you are trying to accomplish. The more detailed the goal the better the chance of reaching the desired result Measurable Can I measure of quantify the goal? If it is to lose weight your goals should specifically indicate how much weight. If it is to run daily, then how far? Attainable Can I reach this goal? Do I have the skills required to achieve it? Realistic Is this goal based in reality or is it pie in the sky? Can this actually be done? Timely By when exactly do I want to have this completed? These core elements of goal setting are widely documented and very effective. In addition I would suggest that you incorporate some visual components. The brain likes visual input and responds better to a picture of what you are trying to achieve than mere words. Take time daily to review your goals. Make them the focus of your day. We achieve our biggest goals by taking small actions daily to reach them. It is no use dreaming, there needs to be activity. Break down the major goal into baby steps. The old saying of how do you eat an elephant applies. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. Is your goal aligned with your values and your life purpose? Do you know what your purpose is? Have you taken the time to analyses your values? All this information inputs into creating successful goals and ultimate achievement and I strongly recommend that you take the time to do a stock take of your life. Here are some questions to get you started: 1. What is really working in my life at the moment? 2. What am I grateful for? 3. What are the important roles that I have in my life? 4. What is my physical, financial, emotional and spiritual life like? 5. What have you been putting off doing in your life? 6. What are the problems you really need to address? 7. What are you passionate about? 8. What is important to you? 9. What characteristics do you most admire in others? 10. How disciplined are you currently? 11. How do you define success? When you really examine the questions above you will identify not only what you need to work on but what is really important to you. I encourage you to have at least 3 goals each year with one BIG HAIRY one that really challenges you! It’s not good enough to have goals you also need to have an action plan to make it happen, loads of discipline and drive to get you through the rough patches and motivation. Good luck with executing on your goals! This week, in my random travels doing research on the internet I stumbled across Seth Godin. What a revelation! Here is a man who finally puts into words the things that I have experienced in the last few years.
Light bulb moment number 1: The Race to the Bottom Companies are in a race to do things cheaper and quicker often at the expense of quality. What does this mean for us? If you are the kind of assistant that takes no initiative and works solely on instructions, your company will find someone who can do your job cheaper. Light bulb moment number 2 : The Race to the Top Find out what is premium about YOU. What can you do that no one else can? What is your niche? This will ensure your long term sustainability in the workplace and ensure that your salary matches your skill, passion and commitment. Light bulb moment number 3: Pick yourself For some reason we are waiting for SOMEONE to say "you are good enough", "I see your potential" or "please join my project, I think you can add real value." Volunteer, put your hand up, make people aware of what you can do. PICK YOURSELF!!!! Light bulb moment number 4 : Your product is not for everyone We are in a culture of spray and pray. This is not effective. It is impossible for everyone to like what you do. Find out who your customer is. Find a boss that needs YOUR SKILLS, YOUR PERSONALITY and YOUR PRODUCT. Stop trying to get everyone to like everything you do! Light bulb moment number 5 : Find your tribe or create your tribe Find people like YOU. Reach out to them. Learn from them, teach them, support them and add value to them. We are moving into a collaboration/connection economy, so be READY!!! Have a happy week! We all know how good a well timed thank you feels, how nice it is when your boss says "well done" or "good job". It's great to hear that you are needed and that you add value. We all want validation and to be recognized but how often do we do this for others or ourselves?
The last few days the power of words has come sharply into focus for me as I started a new chapter of my life. Funny when we have to say goodbye or when things change we suddenly say the things we should have all along...it also became very clear to me that when there are big changes in your life, big doubts and fears tend to flare up and this affects our inner dialogue profoundly. I have realized that we need to be aware of what we say...or don't say to others and perhaps even more importantly what we say to ourselves and about ourselves. The right words at the right time can touch someone deeply and may mean more to them than you realize. So the question is: Are you bringing positive things into your world but what you say to yourself and others? Or are your words those of a victim? Is your inner voice your harshest critic? We can all choose and that is the magic of it. My challenge to you : thank those who help you, encourage those who need a lift and speak kindly to yourself and others! Have a divine week! |
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